Not joking. Heated steering wheels are one of the latest geegaws being peddled by the car capitalists. Oh, the glory and the pathos! How on Earth has humanity managed to live so long without heated steering wheels in our 95 percent idle 4,000-pound petroleum burners? Who among us can reckon the massive suffering that has happened before now, what with all those agonizingly chilly control rings?

Of course, the obvious next question is how long must we wait for cooled steering wheels?